When At A Party, Don't Drink Weird Looking Punch
by PainX65
Summary: When invited to a party, sometimes there's punch. Don't drink the punch, the punch is always spiked isn't it! There's always that one shady looking character that ALWAYS spikes the punch! But then again, the punch is so good that even the Shogun approves of it! So drink it like you'll have a hangover in the morning on a work day!


**Disclaimer: This is a clusterfuck of a story. I'm warning you!**

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"Eh?" the lazy tone of a silvery perm haired samurai looked up, picking his nose reading the latest issue of JUMP. "Parties are just where you go and talk to either people you like, hate or complete random strangers you don't really care about unless it's that one person you are crushing on." he moved around on the couch he was lying on, getting more comfortable as he did.

"But Gin-chan!" Kagura complained, "it's already starting!"

"Gin-san, it wouldn't hurt to go, right?" Shinpachi tried to get the lazy sod up.

"Just cause you miss one party doesn't mean it's going to be the last party you'll go too." Gin flicked a booger over his shoulder.

"Arf!" the large white dog's teeth quite easily sunk into Gin's head that was hanging off the side, causing blood to fly out quite easily.

"Oi! Sadaharu!" Gin's hands went to pry the large inugami off him, to which the dog's tail wagged quite happily.

"Let's go Kagura." the glasses wearing a human left first followed by the vermilion red-headed yato clan member.

"Come on Sadaharu! Gin-chan!" the big white dog walked dragging Gintoki with him.

"Oi! Oi! Let go! Stop biting my head!" Gintoki managed to free himself, but sadly, his recent issue of JUMP remained back in the 'office', and with a sigh, he reluctantly headed over with his employees.

However when arriving at said party, Gin only deadpanned at the first person he saw. "Kintoki!" the loud fellow with the annoying laugh laughed. "I brought the punch!" he pointed over to a table that contained a large glass bowl filled with a purple liquid that looked way too thick, so thick it might as well be ooze or oil! Not to mention the bubbles that surfaced and popped! One bigger than normal bubble popped as a gassy, wavy skull oozed out of the punch and faded away!

"Why is it oozing a skull?!" Gin shouted, pointing at the abomination of a bowl of punch. "But what the hell is that?! That ain't punch?!"

"Hahahaha ha ha ha ha ha haha haha," the space idiot laughed in the usual annoying way. "Good one, Kintoki!"

"THAT WASN'T A JOKE!"

"It was some punch I picked up on Hamek! HAHAHAHA!" Sakamoto continued laughing.

"You used the Slippery Balls and got one Slippery Wish didn't you!" Gin accused.

Sakamoto then got a cup for Gin. "It's fine, I assure you! Zura drank it and it's just fine!"

"It's not Zura. It's Katsura!" here came Zura now. "It's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

Taking a quick smell of the contents of the cup was not a right choice, but in the end the samurai gulped down and blinked rapidly afterwards. "Huh, it's not half bad." he looked at punch. "But not as good as strawberry milk or a parfait though."

Then, suddenly, "Huh?" all of Gintoki's hair fell out and landed on the floor. "...WHAT THE HELL?! I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS PUNCH WAS FINE!"

"Hahahahaha! Kintoki, you're bald!" Sakamoto the idiot laughed, just as bald as the lazy samurai as a foot smashed said idiot's face into the wall.

"The hell you idiot!" the foot belonged to the his second-in-command, Mutsu as she continued kicking his head into the wall, making the dent bigger each time. "It would be better if you just died!"

"Oi, Kagura, Shinpachi!" Gin turned, but it was too late as a bald Kagura punched a wall, breaking it down as she stared at her hand.

"So this is how Papi gained his strength!" she was in complete awe as she stared at her fist.

" _That's not the source of his strength! It has nothing to do with getting bald! You just broke a wall with your own gorilla strength!_ " the shiroyasha then turned his attention Shinpachi.

Shinpachi pushed his glasses up. "T-This is just a gag! We'll be better when this is one-shot is over!"

"...glad to see you didn't drink the punch Shinpachi-kun."

"EH?! I DID DRINK THE PUNCH!" the glasses fell onto the ground.

"Be careful, Shinpachi-kun." Gin picked his ear, turning back around.

"IT'S CAUSE OF MY GLASSES! ISN'T IT!"

"Oi, Zura. You drank this punch, right? Why aren't you bald?!" Gin started off calm but that quickly turned into pointing fingers and anger.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura." Katsura picked up another cup and drank it, only for his hair to stay on completely, untouched, refusing to fall out. That was when Gin grabbed the hair and yanked it down.

"Oi...Zura..." deadpanned Gin.

"You too, Katsura-san?!" shouted patsuan.

"It's not Katsura. It's Zura." the formerly long haired samurai said as if his plot line had come to its end as Gin held the wig that Katsura had been wearing.

The more people drank, the more people lost their hair. Meanwhile Elizabeth was huddled in a corner seemingly unaffected by the punch holding up a sign that read: DON'T LOOK AT ME! I'M HIDEOUS NOW! HOW CAN I FACE ANY OF YOU WITHOUT MY BEAUTIFUL LOCKS!

" _DO YOU EVEN HAVE HAIR?!_ " Gin couldn't help but scream within himself, but there was a small part of him was curious, then again, we are all.

"It's not like anyone else is going to show up!" Katsura tried to calm Elizabeth, but then suddenly a familiar voice called out.

"Then allow me to destroy all that you hold dear," the way too familiar figure clad in a purple with the patterns of butterflies with a face resembling that of a background character, "at this balding party." they said, holding a voice-changer.

"It's just the lolicon," Gin said in deadpanned.

"I'm not a lolicon. I'm a feminist." said the lolicon said in pride and a matter of fact tone. His bravado didn't last long as he was immediately whacked with lake toya and shot by the loud fellow, who managed to avoid Mutsu's wrath, before having rocks, cups and other various things thrown at him.

Quickly recovering afterwards, and somehow changing clothes, he ruffled through his clothing, pulling out a note. "I bring a letter."

It read: "The yakult is on me." with Takasugi's handwriting.

"Yakult? What yakult?! I don't see no yakult!" Takechi held out the yakult in his other hand. "Where did you get that yakult?!" the silver samurai pointed.

"Please refrigerate it." with that, Takechi left.

"Oi! Is that it?! Was that all you were here for you damn lolicon?! Just a short joke?!"

"I'm not a lolicon! I'm a feminist!" the shouts of a lolicon was heard from afar.

" _WHAT A WASTE OF A JOKE!_ "

"Eh? Great, I'm in a room with a bunch of caped baldies..." sighed Hijikata as he walked in with Kondo and Okita, pulling out and lighting a cigarette.

"Oh, it's the mayo freak." Gin deadpanned before smirking. "Why don't you try the punch?"

Hijikata released a puff of smoke. He put the cigarette back in his mouth and put his hand down shinseigumi jacket and pulled out his portable supply of mayo, dumping it into the cup filled with punch to the point of overfilling it. "Everything's better with mayo." he took a sip...and his hair fell out!

"WHAT THE HELL? WHY DID MY HAIR FALL OUT?!" he turned to Gin with flames in his eyes! "YOU! IT WAS YOU WASN'T IT!"

"EH? I wasn't the one to spike the punch, only the shady characters will do that, and you're pretty shady you know." the bald samurai free from his perm picked his ear.

Hijikata tried to light another cigarette as the commander looked at Katsura. "Have we met before?" the gorilla then spotted the wig. "...is that your zura?"

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!" Kondo just stared at Katsura, who threw the wig which hit Hijikata, with shocking strength, it sent the demon vice commander flying out through the window.

"TOSHI!" the gorilla held his hand out towards the window as if Grillin had been killed by Brieza! As soon as he turned around, Katsura was gone, however this wild beast saw the bowl of punch as Okita smirked at Kagura.

"Ah, your balding China Girl-" Okita had walked in with Hijikata, as his hair also fell out as said china girl punched him in the face (before he could truly finish his sentence), sending him through the wall, having a stoic look.

"Okay." her face had no emotions, almost as if she was bored!

"KAGURA!" Both the samurai and pair of glasses shouted in panic.

As the rubble cleared all that remained as the stoic face on Okita. "Okay." he was the same as Kagura now!

"EH?! YOU TOO?!"

"I'm off, there's a sale at the store today." Katsura, now wearing a yellow jumpsuit and cape walked out the door putting on red gloves.

"You too Zura?!" Gin shouted.

"It's not Zura. It's Caped Baldy." was the lazy reply as he walked off.

"Oh! This is great stuff!" the gorilla drank a large majority of the punch as his fell burst off his head, HIS CLOTHES DID TOO!

"WHY DID YOUR CLOTHES BURST OFF WITH YOUR HAIR?! WAS IT REALLY THAT GOOD?! WERE YOU ASSAULTED BY THE INGREDIENTS OR THE PUNCH ITSELF?!"

And then the gorilla drank the stuff again! The gorilla held onto its own body. "So...So good..." he drooled...he's drooling! THE GORILLA IS DROOLING!

"WHY DID YOU DRINK MORE OF IT?! WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY ONE WHO GOT THE FOODGASM?! ARE YOU GETTING OFF ON THIS YOU DIRTY GORILLA?! ARE YOU CLOSE?! PUT SOME DAMN CLOTHES ON!"

You could only imagine how the punch was crashing into his naked body like the waves crashing into your sandcastle that took you hours to build and immediately washed away.

"Ah, what a lively party." Another new voice had entered (and hopefully the last) and Gin just stared at the new arrival, stared so much that the deadpanned 'are you serious' look he gave the new arrival changed art style! "The punch has a nice aroma."

" _I-IT'S THE SHOGUN!_ " and just like the rest, whatever hair the shogun had left...vanished from his head. As soon as the Shogun lost his hair however, a misthrown cup meant for someone else smacked into his face, sending the shogun flying away, another waste of a joke. " _S-SHOGUN!_ "

All around him were fellow baldies that would make Umibozu proud. Punching each other with no real effects asides from the destruction of property. China girls with superior gorilla strength punching sadists, sadists punching back. Wigs getting bargain deals and gorillas getting naked.

Gin placed the cup he didn't know he was holding, sending the table through the ground from a light tap. The same shocked look of disbelief still on his face before he looked at the madness around him.

"ARF!" Gin cranked his head up as the roof was removed (cough destroyed cough) as a giant Sadaharu wagged its tail before running down the street as the sounds of sirens rang and the Edo Defence Force came in jets, helicopters and tanks.

Gin could only blink, how did this happen? Ah yeah, that's right. Punch.

All it took was one glass of punch...just one punch.

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 **Calm down, this is just a one-shot I thought of a LONG time ago (like two years?) and I finally got motivated (or remembered) to do it.**


End file.
